There’s the proposal, you’re both so happy. They said yes! Then the glow wears off, the beautiful pictures of the surprise engagement are posted to Instagram, and the planning begins. Planning not just the wedding but for your collective future. And. Your. Prenup.

Maybe grandpa told you to get one, or you’ve heard the horror stories of those who wed without one—there always seems to be two types of conversations surrounding prenuptial agreements or prenups. There are conversations that strengthen a couple’s relationship and those that cause lasting resentment. As with delivering any news, the difference lies in the approach. 

How you raise the idea of a prenuptial agreement with your fiancé can make all the difference. 

For anyone engaged to be married, a prenuptial agreement is simply smart planning. But to your fiancé, it may feel like you’re questioning their motives or doubting the future of the relationship. The goal is to frame the conversation so it’s about mutual clarity and protection, not mistrust.

Here’s some advice on how to do it right.

1. Choose the Right Timing

This is not a conversation to have in the middle of wedding planning chaos, at a family gathering, or — worst of all — right before the wedding. In New York, a prenup is more enforceable when signed well in advance. From a relationship perspective, early timing demonstrates transparency, rather than seeming like an 11th-hour pressure tactic.

Ideally, this conversation should have taken place before the engagement. It is just as important as the conversations you had about whether or not the person you are dating is a cat or dog lover or wants to have children. 

If you’ve waited until you are already engaged, take your time with the conversation. Raise it early in the engagement and ask your fiancé to give it some thought. If some time elapses without a response, bring the issue back up and ask them for their thoughts before sharing yours. If they are opposed to it, be prepared with some reasons about how and why having a prenup benefits both of you.

2. How to Bring Prenups Up Without Creating Tension

The first time you raise the subject sets the tone for the entire process. The prenuptial conversation must be part of the larger conversation about your shared future. 

• Choose a calm, private setting where you can talk without distractions.
• Lead with your commitment to the marriage and your shared goals.
• Use “we” language: “I think it’s important that we both feel clear and comfortable about how we’ll handle finances, no matter what the future holds.”
• Frame it as a mutual safeguard, not a one-sided demand: “This isn’t about me keeping something from you — it’s about us agreeing on how to protect each other.”
• Give real examples of things that you are interested in incorporating into the prenuptial agreement.
• Take ownership for bringing up the topic, don’t blame it on your parents, grandparents, or other family members as to why a prenup is needed—even if it was their idea. Take responsibility—it’s your relationship.

When the introduction is thoughtful and connected to your shared vision, it’s far less likely to trigger defensiveness.

3. Lead With Your “Why”

Start with your personal reasons for wanting a prenup, not a list of legal terms. You might say:

• “I’ve worked hard to build my business, and I want to make sure we both know how it would be handled if life took an unexpected turn.”
• “I have children from a prior relationship, and part of my responsibility is making sure their inheritance is protected.”

Once you’ve shared your why, ask for theirs. Give your fiancé time to think and process. When it’s time to draft, make sure the agreement itself reflects that purpose. If your reason is protecting a business, the document should clearly outline ownership and valuation terms. If your focus is safeguarding children’s inheritance, the provisions should specifically address that. A prenup that aligns with your intentions feels less like a generic legal shield and more like a personalized plan.

4. Emphasize Mutual Benefit

A good prenuptial agreement protects both parties. If you present it as a one-sided shield, your fiancé may feel cornered. In reality, a prenup can:

• Clearly define property rights;
• Establish financial expectations during marriage; and
• Protect both partners from the stress and expense of litigation if the marriage ends.

5. Make It a Joint Project

I always encourage clients to treat the prenup as a joint undertaking, not a demand by one party of the other. Suggest that your fiancé hire their own attorney (in fact, New York courts prefer it) so they have an advocate and feel empowered in the process. This not only increases the likelihood of enforceability but also removes the “you against me” dynamic.

6. Avoid Ultimatums

Saying “sign this or we can’t get married” is the quickest way to turn a loving conversation into a battle. Instead, position the prenup as part of your overall planning — just like selecting a venue or creating a joint budget — so it’s a shared decision, not a power play.

7. Keep the Tone Respectful and Collaborative

You’re not trying to “win” the conversation; you’re trying to set the tone for your future together. Approach it with the same respect and patience you’d want if the roles were reversed. In my experience, couples who can discuss difficult topics calmly before marriage are more likely to navigate challenges successfully in the future. It’s ok for your fiancé to show emotion, be surprised, or even be caught off guard. Be supportive, give them time, and allow them to ask questions.

Final Word:


A prenuptial agreement is not an insult — it’s a tool. In New York, it can provide clarity, security, and peace of mind for both parties. The key is to start the conversation early, bring it up with empathy and responsibility, lead with your reasons, ensure the document reflects those reasons, focus on mutual protection, and keep the tone collaborative. Done right, the prenup process can actually deepen trust rather than erode it.

If you have questions about how best to navigate your intended prenup conversation, please feel free to contact me at akb@gdblaw.com.